Stacks and stacks of letters

Feb 27, 2026

Volume 10, Number 2, February 2026

Dear Friend,

Do you remember the jingle, “Letters, we get letters, stacks and stacks of letters?” If you do, it ages you—as it does me. I recently woke with that jingle in my head because I do receive letters, stacks of letters—albeit emails not letters, short-stacks not full—and I like it. I like hearing from people and responding, especially since for years mostly what I received in the mail were bills, advertisements, and submission rejections.

My first book—I Saw a Man Hit His Wife—a collection of love, almost love, missed love, lost love, not quite love, and not a chance—stories was published in 1997. It was reviewed in the New York Times and sold about 1,000 copies. I didn’t hear from a lot of readers, though all six women in my mother’s book club wrote to me. Click here to see the book.

My third book, The Night at the End of the Tunnel, or Isaiah Can You See?, a dystopian novella published in 2018, is really my first book, written when I was a creative writing graduate student in the 1980s. About 5 people have read the book, including Donna and my mom, both of whom hate it. Donna calls it my “Guy’s book,” meaning high school (or younger) guys. It has, she says, that kind of humor, meaning adolescent and bathroom. Two people have written to me about the book: one of my college roommates, and the wife of one of my major professors, both of whom—the roommate and professor—the book is dedicated to. I still think the book is funny—you can’t take the boy out of the man—but not as funny as I thought when I wrote it. Click here to see the book.

The emails began to arrive when my second book, I’ll Never Be French (no matter what I do) was published in 2008, and with the publication of my second and now my third book about my life in France, the number of people who write to me continues to grow. Through all of it—the past 18 years—from I’ll Never Be French to I Am Finally, Finally French, one sentence has been repeated again and again and again: ‘This (fill in the blank) could only happen to you’. Even Donna says it: “This (fill in the blank) could only happen to you.” I heard it so often I believe it: it could only happen to me, and that’s how it was until I recently received several emails from AH and MF and read with great joy, relief, and satisfaction that it’s not only me, that it (fill in the blank) also happens to them—and they are French! In their slightly edited words, here’s what they told me….

From AH:

· My cell phone is broken. It won’t turn on. I can’t send messages or make payments. So I pick up my landline and call the cell phone company, which very kindly informs me that there is no problem and someone will guide me step by step to fix whatever is wrong…. “First,” he says, “turn on your phone…”

· I’m sent on a business trip from Paris to Marseille (785 km.) Having forgotten my briefcase with my wallet, ID papers, checkbooks, and credit cards, I ask my wife to send it to me by mail. Following the advice of the post office where my wife went, the package is sent express registered mail with acknowledgment of receipt. Three days later, at the hotel, I receive written notification that the package has arrived at the post office. I go straight to the post office in Marseille to pick it up. And there, no problem... the agent asks me for my identity card (which, of course, is in the package). I explain the situation to the agent, who completely understands my predicament and asks me for… my passport... then my social security card, then any document with my photo on it. Naturally, I couldn’t provide any of them. Behind me, the line gets longer and longer and longer (but the teller at the next counter is on break). People start grumbling more and more loudly. Everyone present is getting seriously impatient. So I suggest to the agent that he open the package and take out my wallet. But no... It’s forbidden. He’s not allowed to open a package. After a good while and an increasingly long wait, he refers the matter to his supervisor. And we go back to square one: no identity card, no passport, no documents at all. And still no permission to open the package. We’ve been at it for over an hour. I can’t even describe the state of the people behind me. And suddenly the supervisor has an idea: to have a sworn statement from at least two witnesses who will certify that I am indeed myself. Just a little detail. I’m traveling, and naturally, no one knows me... so the supervisor, weary of the whole thing, asks the people in line if two people (supposedly acquaintances) would be willing to confirm that I am who I say I am. And presto, problem solved! We fill out the form, I receive my package, and... I take my two witnesses out for a drink. That’s the beauty of bureaucracy; you just need to know the right procedure.

· Hello Mark. Your troubles with the highway toll ticket are all too familiar. I still haven’t figured out how it works. (Note: I wrote about the tolls and Flux-Libre in the March, 2025 newsletter. Click here to read it.)

From MF:

· We went to Béziers to look at a van to buy. The van, converted by a young man, was very nice. Unfortunately, he hadn’t followed the instructions of the latest European directive, which seriously complicates life for vanners. The only possible modifications allow you to sleep in the van, but you’re no longer allowed to have a bed that folds into a bench. You can add insulation, a removable gas stove, but not a fixed one (go figure!). You can eat in it, but it’s forbidden to have a table or seats. The whole thing looks like an improved prison cell. Furniture? Yes, but everything must be removable in a maximum of two hours. Depending on whether these instructions are followed, the vehicle registration certificate is classified as VASP (full comfort) or CTTE (restricted comfort). If the registration certificate does not match the vehicle’s configuration, it’s equivalent to driving without insurance in the event of an accident or road check.

· We’re trying to get our new air fryer to work. We pore over the instruction manual once, then twice, then three times. On tenterhooks, like at the baptismal font, we press the appropriate buttons in order. Buttons? No. There are no buttons, only logos, the kind you gently touch at the beginning of the process but want to attack with a hammer by the end…. Should we take it back? Should we call the store to clear things up? Meanwhile, inside the fryer, the chicken is getting impatient…. The saleswoman understands the urgency and finally finds us a specialist. The exchange goes like this: Have you read the instructions? Me?!!!! It’s my favorite pastime! I devour them from the first line to the last! Have you? Have you? Have you? Yes!!!! And even the Ave Maria while we’re at it!!!!! Then suddenly a doubt seizes me. I explore the screen and realize something is sticking in the corner. I scratch it with my finger and realize the damn screen isn’t a screen but a sticker. I peel it off, and everything becomes clear, everything matches the instructions, the indicator lights, the flashing lights, in short, Fiesta! No, seriously? Couldn’t they have mentioned this paper screen?”

If you have a funny story, in 500 words or less, send it to me and become a member of the ‘This (fill in the blank) could only happen to me’ club. I don’t promise to print all of them, but I do promise to read them.

NEWS ABOUT I AM FINALLY, FINALLY FRENCH

In the past twelve months 26,500 people have viewed these newsletters on Substack—2,012 in the past 30 days—from 35 states and 27 countries.
Fifty-plus people in six countries and seven time zones registered for the Feb 7-8 My French Life Book Club Zoom conversation with Keith Van Sickle, author of One Sip at a Time, Are We French Yet?, and An Insider’s Guide to Provence. On a scale of 1-10 people rated the event all 9s and 10s and one 11. Watch the video here.
60 people were at Book Passage bookstore in Corte Madera, California, for my conversation with Kim Addonizio, poet, essayist, novelist, short story writer, and National Book Award finalist.
Connexion, Europe’s largest circulation English language magazine about life in France, is going to review I Am Finally, Finally French, My Accidental Life in Brittany. I’ll post the review when it’s written.
A Chinese publisher is currently considering publishing I Am Finally, Finally French in China. I’ll keep you posted.

COMING EVENTS

March 17: Live conversation/discussion with Bill Britton at the CalRTA Tri-Valley Division 85 semi-annual meeting of retired teachers in Livermore, California.
May 30: Le Festival du Livre de Nice, Meet the Author, in Nice, France. DETAILS TO COME.
June 11-14: Könyvhét, Book Week, in Budapest, Hungary. DETAILS TO COME.

Once more, a note about my friend, Lea:

Ever wish you could say the word “délicieux” in French? Want to speak French better than I do? Lea has taught more than 10,000 lessons and has helped hundreds of motivated learners meet their French speaking goals. She’s been a top-rated French teacher since 2013. Check her out at leacafe.org.

If you haven’t reviewed I Am Finally, Finally on Amazon or Goodreads, please, please do so. Every review counts, encouraging new sales and readers…. Merci, mercy beaucoup.

Also, if you received this message directly from me, you’re already signed up to my Substack. If someone forwarded it to you or you’re not sure, sign up below:

You can purchase I’m Finally, Finally French at any brick-and-mortar bookstore, or click on any of the following retailers: